Sir,

Some deep personal experiences with your organisation and teachings have made me aware of some aspects of it, that I feel need consideration.

As I have met some people, that practise and appreciate your guidance in their life, I came to one of your meeting (Manheim June 9, 1994) to see you. I had just a vague idea about your message, but was impressed by the softness you seemed to bring to these people. Upon arrival, I still had mo idea and was softly guided to join a knwoledge meeting for aspirants. This meeting was done by one of your assistants and although very soft and friendly I immediately sensed the power-trip.
The confessions, requests, begging, anger and frustrations of some of the people there were so heartbreaking, so reminding myself of other situations, military boot-camp practices, fraternity infighting, and other situations where a `System' is created to enhance the separation between us and them, that I had to leave. This I perceived as FASCISM, the exploitation of the need of people to find direction, peace and happiness in return for joining and giving up a piece of individuality. The higher the goal, the more people are willing to compromise themselves and I senses that compromise very badly in your `intake/knowledge' procedure. Too much for me, too much reminding me of my friends (and me) that were seriously hurt for life (or worse) because of these tactics, this sacrifice of a few to deliver `the goods' (Knowledge, enlightenment etc.) to the other by allowing the exchange of their inferiority complexes by a perceived superiority environment. I excused myself, and said that as a `beginner' I only came to see you alive and was not prepared for anything of this kind. But I was fuming inside, went outside, meditated, thought and went through major changes in awareness. For this I have to thank you, as the `Knowledge' I got through that was more important than your meditation meditation techniques I could kind of pick up anyway sitting outside.

Of course I realise, that your approach in a way is necessary and justified, but are you really aware of the price. How many of the people that feel rejected, not alowed to share the group, gain access to the knowledge turn away, pile up another refusal in their already wounded hearts? How many not only don't come back, but give up in their struggle for the light, give up their life? I senses and saw the suicidal tendencies, maybe just so because I feel and felt the same! For that reason I side with the ones that are rejected, the ones that are not worth your precious Knowledge. Damn you Knowledge, if it is not rooted in love for the meanest, lowest and untouchables of this world, as they are the world, they are the Gods we ought to see. They are the ones who need the knowledge and the love and the peace, they are the ones who shuld be admitted without questioning, welcomed and nurtured. How can a man or an organisation that stand for the undividable, the unlimited inside, the connection work from a basis that separates and not unites? I ask this humbly, for I do not know and my wisdom is about not knowing, but the question comes from deep within me, where the dark (at least unknown) forces lurk. I recognise how you have set it up, and believe me, I could possibly do it better and even more devious, but why, o why?

By watching the people outside waiting I came to see what kind of personalities you attract, what kind of followers in a way forsake the outer world to come and sink into the inner peace you offer them.
Nice people, not aggressive, Yin energy, female receptivity, inner directedness. Not good or bad, but only part of the whole. Now you give them techniques and `Knowledge' talk about love for the self, accepting the inner world, and you know what, they feel fine, happy, they come back and here you are, leader of a bunch of world-escapers.
They are, and these are their own words, very much in love with you, they want to be with their beloved. Again very nice and in a situation where the outer world is so violent and threatening, they actually are protected. But they are mostly protected against TRANSFORMATION, for those with a tendency to protect the Status-Quo of inner orientatation don't want the big change, they don't want the female/inner world feelings to give way to outer world/male/yang experiences. So the meditate, meditate, meditate and feel good, feel good, but they don't really come out of the woodwork, do they. Not on a worldly level and not on a personal level, since they are so much in love with you, that they are unable to love someone else, or even the world. And given a real challenge or opportunity, they immediately retreat back into their inner (safe) world, using your techniques. Safe, but how much of your own personality is transfered with those meditations, how much of your fears of the world etc. do they take in, every time they meditate your way eand try to become one with you? They feel happy, but in a limited sense, and again, quite harmless if you don't count the loss of real engagement with the world, lovers, the environment.
Now this is all acceptable, maybe transformation is not what the many need, after all the Jezuses and the Giordano Bruno's of this world were crucified or burned because they threatened the status-quo. Maybe your real achievement are the few that actually react like I do, see through it and therefore themselves and turn away with real knowlegde or even wisdom? If so, I'll hold my tongue, but my heart aches for the ones that don't make it, the yang/male/outer world personalities who would in fact benefit so much from your meditation-technique. I would, and as it is, now that I realize that inner-directed/Yang meditation is good for me, I will do some more on my own.
On the other hand, does this whole thing stems from your own development, your own hurt, and your fear for the outer world realities, the outer temple that we are given but that your followers don't want to accept?
Well, go on, fortify yourself some more, but be aware that there are forces in the world that are against you, not because of your past or your message, but because of the few that you sacrifice for the many. And these forces are strong, and they have strong weapons, not in the least in the Law. For instance the way you discriminate between the one ready to receive knowledge and the ones that are not could be constructed as against basic Human Rights treaties in the EC and elsewhere.
Now maybe all my observations are accidental (I however don't believe that) and therefore not valid, in which case I would appreciate it f you could correct me.

This all is important to me, to express my anger and make clear that I was and am very hurt, and I don't want to disown my own feelings or the wounded heart they come from, as they stem from a deep sensitivty to these issues.

For the moment, this letter is one way, but as a journalist, writer and publisher I tend to bring out my opinions rather strongly. What lives in my mind, comes to the world. In conversations and as articles, books, but ultimately as a real thing. This is my way of service, and I regret if it goes against yours, but we can only live our mortal truth.

To assure you of the depth of my feelings and maybe clarify myself on another level, these are the poems I wrote while waiting for my friends outside the meeting hall in Mannheim.

Rejection

Out side
Out of love
Out of control
Out of self
Maybe in touch
with the other
se deeply imprinted
A chance to meet
the Dark One
who is
me
too

Wisdom is not knowing

Knwoledge, how can it be found in the world
How can it not be found in the world
How can it be given
How can it be received
as it is
Knowing wants to be free
a connection in the soul
no separation
no knowers, no known
just stillness
not of the mind
but of the heart of hearts
the stone one inscribed by the Gods we meet in others
For not knowing is love
feeling the truth
I am only different
as I have not yet learnt
to be the same

Crying

I don't need another prison
reminding me of my failures
but if we can break down
the prisons inside
a new day
happened
just now

Love

For those who don't know
For those that don't feel
For those who are not
Them I can love
unconditionally

Chief

You like the indian chief in me
his strength, wisdom, posture
However, the real task of a chief is to carry, to lead in not leading
to be of service
so who is it you are longing for inside
you are the chief
I am just holding the mirror
so you can see the thousand faces
of yourself

Wounded Heart

God, when I feel different
when I feel better
when I feel wiser
just know that then I need your grace
So remind me,
that the grass grows
and the sun shines
and my wounded heart fights dirty

Share

I feel so far away
So out of place
So dark
Hold your words
Hold your invitation
just share your cold hands
maybe they will warm
my soul

Please

Don't talk
Don't think
Don't move
just go your way
anew
now

Mannheim June '94